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Driving a Citroen DS through two deserts and big mountains.

by | Feb 9, 2014 | The 24 Hour Brand

It works! The damn thing works! Whodathought! We picked it up at the Reno airport yesterday around 4:00. Spent a…

It works!

The damn thing works!

Whodathought!

We picked it up at the Reno airport yesterday around 4:00. Spent a couple hours learning how to use everything. How to open the hood (bizarre), how to adjust the seats (bizarre), how to turn on the lights (really bizarre), how to change the tires (equally bizarre) and how to keep the strange alien thing on the road… Then we headed to the closest Walmart to stock up for the drive. Ice chest, water, sunglasses, tools, oil, wipers etc.

And what happens the first 30 seconds we pull  up in front of the door… An actual French woman comes trotting up all excited. She hadn’t seen a Citroen in years and was very excited. She even had an genuine French accent.

Now ask yourselves. What are the odds of buying a Citroen in Reno, Nevada, heading straight to a Walmart and withing 30 seconds, come across an actual French woman thrilled to see a Citroen.

About a bazillion to one. I mean, what the hell is a French woman doing in a Reno Walmart?

So we stocked up, met an old friend for dinner at some seriously funky vegan joint and hit the road. Drove till 3:30 AM and landed in Elko. Maxx was ready to keep going but I looked at the iphone map and the next town (shitty little berg is more like it) was almost 100 miles away through the Nevada 4AM desert. I was already seeing flying boats and giraffes so it was time to land for the night.

So what do we know so far… A recap.

– Khaleesi (yeah, we named the car… live with it… Marlo came up with the name and it fits… go spend the weekend watching Game of Thrones and you’ll see), runs great. She makes a bizarre assortment of noises all the time. NOT a quiet ride, but very entertaining. The seats are like sitting on Grandma’s old couch. Totally overstuffed, covered in red velour, big, soft squishy things that you sink into. It moans and groans and floats down the road at 75 like an ocean liner. I’ve never driven a car like this in my life. You can roll over a speed bump at 45 and hardly notice.

I can imagine how these freaked people out in 1955 because it’s barely changed from then to my 1971. It’s a strange ride, but once you get used to it, it’s pretty sweet.

– Nevada could be voted off the island. Seriously folks. Vegas may be entertaining on the surface, but it’s pretty damn weird. And Northern Nevada is even weirder without the big-dollar patina of shiny things. Reno is a dump. Sorry to anyone I know who lives there. The Walmart there gave me hives. Had to get out I bought a backwards baseball cap which would melt down my frontal cortex. Everyone was either 300 lbs plus and covered in BAD tattoos (and a quick note on tattoos… if you’re going to cover yourself in graffiti, think it through first… Don’t wake up with them and say “where’d dat come from…”) OR they were total methface-verge-of-death with 4 little pre-meth kids… ACK.

I know. I know. Part of travel is to experience other cultures and then get the hell out before you catch something.

So yeah, Nevada can be voted off the island. Nobody will notice. Flying to Vegas will go up a bit but on the upside, there would be a lot more ocean front property if we turn Nevada into a big inland sea. Stock it with redfish and shrimp and we’ll all be happy.

– Casinos are depressing. I’m sitting in the Gold Coast (see, they’re ready to be voted off) Casino eating what is actually a really good breakfast while Maxx sleeps in. But in general, casino’s depress me. Sitting in the bar having coffee and a fritatta as the locals stumble in for their first morning cocktail.

– Elko? How the fuck do people come to live in Elko. It’s 300 miles from ANYTHING across a blazing, violently dead desert.

Seriously Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

On to Day Two. Next stop Bonneville Salt Flats. Gonna see if I can get the little bugger up to 200 mph!

Kidding.

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Written By Chris Greta